Serving Enewsletters? Get to the Meat!

©CreativeCommons by Heather Joan

I got an e-newsletter today-- one of about 60. This one featured four boxes, each with a stock photo. Every box had a headline, 35 words of fluff copy, and a link to the company’s blog. The meat sat on the click-through. I never got there.

Here's a better recipe for electronic newsletter tidbits:
1. Skip the headline.
2. Cut the intro.
3. Jump to the meat.
4. Serve.
5. Repeat.


Details
This copywriter served four dishes and four headlines:
• 10 Easy Ways to Grow Your Social Presence Now
• Is Your Brand Too Bland? Avoid These Pitfalls of "Wallpaper Copywriting"
• Reputation Management — the Secret Weapon
• 3 Twitter Tips That Will Boost Your Twitter Marketing

Not horrible, but very commonplace headlines. “Nothing to see here. Move on."

So what brought me back?
Nothing tasty, that's for sure. Just curiosity. A couple minutes later I wondered if these guys could teach us all a lesson. I went back to my trash folder, retrieved the email, and checked to see if they had anything to offer.

Here's my review.
• I've seen those headlines too often.
• The short 35-word intros to each item were even more trite than the headlines (for example, “Twitter is a fast moving social network. New content pushes older content out of the way fairly quickly, meaning that it's easy for your tweets to go unnoticed. If there's an important tweet that you want your customers to…”) [yawn]
• The meat was buried on the click-through link. I never made it there.

Cure
If you want readers to look further, tell us one thing we don't know. A single item we don’t know is better than four items of old news.

Sadly, the meat (see below) was there! But it was buried in paragraph three on the blog post. Why not put this on the cover page instead?

"When you pin a tweet, it's the first thing visitors will see when they come to your Twitter page …Here's how to pin a tweet:
• Locate the tweet you’d like to pin.
• Click the three little dots (extra tools) menu at the bottom right of the tweet.
• Select 'pin to your profile page.'"

Forty-eight words of pure meat. So why didn’t the writer serve me this tasty morsel first?

Beats me.

InfographICK: the Sick Pick Collection

As a follow-up to my blog titled "Time to Diagnose and Cure InfographICK" over at The Digital Nirvana, I promised TDN readers examples of infographics that need help. To find samples, I entered the hashtag #infographic in TweetDeck and the ooze flowed. 

1. This one hurts because I love Zipcar even if Avis did buy them (sob!) -- but, honest guys, WTHeck is this?

2. Infographics are supposed to be graphic, so they should be at least partially understood in any language, right? Uh... maybe not.

3. Okay, I don't really hate this one… I just don't like it. I'd rather read the article.

4. Speaking of which, WHY is this an infogrpahic and not a bulleted list?

5. If I tell myself this isn't an infographic, I like it. 

6. Yeah, yeah. the Internet is BIG. And your point is?

7. This one isn't too bad. Why? Because it's really an article with clip art (remember clip art?) 

8. This is interactive and has the potential to be awesome, cool, fantastic. Except .. what? Unintelligible? 

9. Not a bad idea, just a terrible font in all caps. Bad. 

10. This, truly, is the darkest of the dark. Plus I have NO idea what it means. 

11. Just to prove I'm not a total curmudgeon, this one I like. It makes sense! You can get it in one glance. It's what infographics are supposed to do.. Well, yeah. It's Wired. But like we said: Quality infographics are difficult to do and, therefore, cost $$$$.

12. Short enough to be decent. Hurray. No long snake, garbble-gook here.

13. And here's another good one: colorful, quick, to the point ..plus the designer had the good sense to get out of the way and let these logos stand on their own. 

14. Feels right: appropriate colors, nice font, quick presentation, good pointers. 


-- scrubbed by MarketingBrillo

Why One PR Pitch Added Up to PR Poop

Somebody who shall remain nameless picked up my email address from the Internet.

+1 for initiative

The pitch was pretty good two: flattering, personal, authentic, fair, to wit: "We saw your e-mail at The Digital Nirvana contributors page and we're wondering if you're interested in writing a feature article about [us] on your personal blog or at The Digital Nirvana. Your expertise in the field of marketing and public relations could help readers how to implement effective marketing strategies using our print products."

+1 for relevancy

Better luck next time, Tommy.

 But wait … there's more (and it's all downhill).
The email salutation says "Hello, Tom!" Ooops! Not personal after all; not even in the same dressing room!

- 2 for faking-and-failing
The final sentence reads "Your expertise in the field of marketing and public relations could help readers [alert: word missing] how to implement effective marketing strategies using our print products. In return, let us know your requirements before getting a post about us on your blog.

- 2 for poor grammar and presumptive schmoozing

Bottomline: Minus Two
Sincerely, I can't promote you if I don't believe in you. And I don't believe in you.

-- scrubbed by MarketingBrillo
Image(s): FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Guy Kawasaki told me how to be enchanting. I don't think I'm fast enough.

During today's webinar to promote his new book, Enchantment, Guy Kawasaki talked about achieving success by being likeable, trustworthy, and great. But during the Q&A, Kawasaki said something that struck me as preposterous. “To enchant your wife, do everything she asks you to do -- and do it quickly.” Okay, maybe it does work for some people, but if you don't have that particular fetish, who's enjoying? So, yeah, that left me wondering ...

Still, Kawasaki is a big deal, being an early Apple and all, so I'll share the following points that came out during the Q&A.

• Stemming from his enchantment advice to "engage quickly, engage many people, and engage them often, Kawasaki says, "Answer your email within 24-48 hours; that separates you from most people."

• Constantly push out links on Twitter. Retweet often and on a range of interesting topics. Facebook is different, he says. The key to Facebook is constantly pushing out pictures.

• How long does it take to enchant someone? “I would say two minutes, or in about that order of magnitude," he says, noting that, like it or not, we have 60 seconds to enchant someone. If we mess up we can enchant them later, but only if we're willing to help them upon request and immediately (why am I smelling leather again?)

• Kawasaki acknowledges that not everyone can be enchanted. "If you are going to be enchanting, you will definitely make some people angry." For example, if someone is transparent, a quality Kawasaki recommends, some people might not like them. Live with it.

• How can we know if we're enchanting someone? "If someone is giving you a smile back, then they are probably enchanted by you. Also, if you ask them to do something, will they do it? If so, they are enchanted." (But how fast will they do it? That seems to be the key; yes, yes, I'm struggling with this. I admit it.).

• Who enchants Guy himself? His Enchantment Hall of Fame includes Andrew Zimmern, Queen Latifah, Istanbul, and the MacIIci. Best book ever? If You Want to Write by Brenda Ueland.

• Product development advice? Conduct a pre-mortem exercise wherein you take the collective reason of the group to come up with all the reasons something might fail. You need a formal pre-mortem because an informal invite to “share your opinion” will make people hesitate. And it only works when the boss says, “What are the hypothetical reasons we could fail?” Actually, this sounds fun, although after this exercise, you might have to do quite a few things very quickly to appease the boss.

• In a situation when your boss and client disagree, it's hard, but you're not off the hook. In a situation like this, you have to enchant both of them (Kawasaki never said this would be easy).

Conclusion: a) Please don't do everything I tell you quickly, especially if I've been drinking; b) I had a Mac IIfx and I'm pretty sure that was the best Mac ever; c) You win. I do want to read Ueland's book.

-- scrubbed by Marketing Brillo

When It Doesn’t Make Sense, It Doesn’t Make Sense

I ran across a new “marketing idea” today (short version: Ecko wants people to body-tatoo its brand wherever). I hate it. I mean there are problems here.

Never mind that the Tattooed One may decide Ecko is OUT like yesterday’s polyester. What if Ecko spies its brand on a serial killer or, worse yet, a dog groomer? What about THAT “permanent solution,” folks?

And yet… sickened as I am, I do sense a marketing gem in this wacky idea: To wit: take two utterly disparate practices/notions/idiocies and put them together .. permanently. My mind races to disparate connections …

SmartCars and tapioca; mobile phones and Crazy Glue; lawn chairs and Petri dishes; Mooshu Pork and hair spray; aging skin and Michelin tires (wait.. have you seen Rubber?).

And this is just what I came up with in 22 seconds? Imagine what a marketing TEAM could devise.

I see it. I do. An Ecko logo somewhere on Snooki. (Hey, I never said this was going to make sense, right?)

-- scrubbed by Marketing Brillo

Political Fundraising Annoyances (and I Know It’s Not Just Me)

In the 2008 election, I was an active supporter of my political party. I gave money, volunteered, and “answered the call.” In the current election, not so much. I’m still going to vote my party, to be sure, but mostly because the other guys scare the hell outta me. In other words, it’s no longer passion for my party (actually, I’m an Independent) as much as how detestable the other side is. But I digress…

This blog post is about the naughty way my party is pursuing its fundraising. First, I’m on “I-don’t-know-how-many” call lists. “Telefund” shows-up on caller ID every day, usually twice. I get emails, too. Lots of them – from past presidents, congressional leaders, senators – even wives of politicians (no children so far, but that wouldn’t surprise me). I’m tired of it, you know?

Maybe that’s why, today, I relented and donated $25 to one of the appellants (please forgive my misuse of the word; I couldn’t resist). Within 30 seconds I had received a thank-you email (of course), and then -- lickety-split -- two additional email appeals. A minute later, a telefund call came in from a number in the same geographic region of the country that my politician represents. Coincidence? I think not.

And you know what? I don’t like it. I just did something you asked me to do and before the path to the front door was cool, you were coming back in, asking me to do something else.. and something else… and something else.

That’s bad manners. Cross media? Yes. Cross donor? Yes again. It may be good direct marketing, but, then again, maybe it isn’t. I'm a loyal customer and you made me mad. How good can it be?

-- scrubbed by Marketing Brillo

Advice for Cross Media: Just Because We Can, Doesn’t Mean We Should.

I received an annoying email from HarryandDavid this morning. This was definitely not an accident. I didn’t like it and here’s why.

The HarryandDavid Harvest 2010 catalog showed up in my mailbox yesterday, complete with Intelligent Mail Barcode and a note to the Postmaster to deliver in the proscribed two-day window.

When the IMB data alerted the mailer that the catalog had been delivered, the email dropped. This morning’s email, clearly, was a “follow-up” to the catalog mailing. Cross-media at it’s best.

So what’s the problem? No problem at all with the system. In fact, it’s brilliant and a good reason for direct marketers to adopt the IMB now, even though its use isn’t required until May 2011.

The problem was with the creative in the email. H&D has information about me and they just couldn’t wait to let me – or anybody strolling by my computer -- see it.

The subject line was good. A message about your Harry and David account … Show me somebody who doesn’t at least look at email about their “account,” and I’ll show you a person who doesn’t have email. So, yes, I took a look.

The message told me that my “Personal Giftlist is now online” and offered me two quick links so I could “review and update” the list. The email explained that the links would lead to my “private, secure listing.” I had no intention of doing H&D’s record keeping for them, so I ignored the invite and was about to close out. But then, a bit further down, I saw my son’s name in big capital letters, along with a short description of a gift I sent him and his family four years ago.

If this was a private, secure listing, how come the meat of the data showed up in the body of the email! H&D explained they were listing names of “up to five people” to whom I had previously gifted H&D products. They were doing this for me, you see, because they didn’t want me to ever again forget to send a gift. Excuse me!?

That’s too much information. Imagine where this little email might take somebody who happened to see it, by accident or otherwise.

So, yes, direct marketing technology – especially cross media – totally rocks. But, as always, just because we can, doesn’t mean we should. Emails are no place for a recitation of your customer’s relationships. Before we flex our digital muscles, let’s consider “how much information is too much information” and leave the online personal stuff to Facebook.

-- scrubbed by Marketing Brillo

Auto Communicate with Social Media “Friends”? Uh-huh.

Flowtown can automate your social media contacts. As the YouTube video demonstrates, all you have to do is import your email contact data into Flowtown and then you can email everybody with whom you’re also connected on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, and Flickr. The process is automatic and en masse.

At $17/month plus 4.5 ¢ per import, it’s not cheap. In fact, for an entrepreneur who works on a selective basis with other businesses, that’s a deal breaker.

Others disagree. Email marketing software developer Mail Chimp lauds Flowtown in Ben Chestnut's blog. Could be that Chestnut is onto something. He's clearly no dummy, which is apparent from the excellent pricing of MailChimp. Hurray. If you’re managing up to 500 names, you can use MailChimp for free. Now that's a good one. I signed up.

In the process of blogging today, I realized I don't feel good about automating messages to people with whom I’ve “connected.” All my social media folks are real people. I totally get sending them an enewsletter or an evite or something that everybody recognizes as mass produced. But how can I pretend to be “social” en masse? In fact, I can see that backfiring, BIG time.

-- scrubbed by Marketing Brillo

The Marketing of "You Dirty Swine"

I don’t think I’ve seen this much media hype since 9-11. There’s flu out there somewhere, and Homeland Security, the CDC, the White House, the World Health Organization, and every local health department and school board is on high alert. We’re at the equivalent of Level Orange .. which in health terms is Phase Five, which actually means we don't even have a problem yet, but we need to prepare for one, just in case. This is marketing at it's very best.

On the other hand, no matter how much I read or watch (and I admit it’s not a lot because I just can’t stand it) I have questions, lots of questions. How many people had flu at this time last year? The year before and before that? How many people actually died of flu last year? And what kind of flu did they succumb to: Asian, Hong Kong, Bird, Avian (is that different from bird?), Swine, or, the Ubiquitous "Other"? Strangely, there are few answers.

I asked the CDC, "How many flu deaths do we have in a normal year?" Well, you see, we really don’t know, they said, because we only compile those statistics for pediatric deaths. But, Dear CDC did have a few answers: On average, 5 to 20 percent of the U.S. population gets the flu every year (that would be 15 million at the low end and 60 millon on the high end. [Note: someone check my math.. this cannot be right or we wouldn't be sneezing at the Swine of the moment.. would we?].

Again, on average, about 200,000 people are hospitalized from flu "complications" (whatever that means) and about 36,000 people reportedly die from “flu-related causes. So does that mean that of the 15 million who can expect to get the Ordinary Flu, two-tenths of one percent will die from flu-related causes, though not necessarily from the swine himself.. in a GOOD year? Yes, that’s what the CDC says – 36,000 flu-related deaths in an average year (actually, since I, personally, have had flu just once in decades, I'm wondering how I avoided being one in 15 million for x years ... but that's way beyond my ability to calculate.. the mind reels).

Moving ahead, near as I can tell, as of this afternoon, total confirmed cases in the U.S. (64), Canada (19), and Mexico (99) totaled 182, with fewer than 10 deaths. That’s not much in a world population of close to 7 billion (I’d calculate it for you, except my little solar calculator doesn’t have that many decimals). There are certain to be more, of course, because in an average year at least 15 million people in the U.S. alone will get flu .. but we already covered that, didn't we?

What we see here may be less the power to inform, than the power to market because – with very little statistical clout – an awful lot of people are buying something: newspapers, flu masks and related paraphernalia, extra stocks of food, etc. Meanwhile, businesses are devising emergency plans to cover possible worker shortages and folks are canceling flight reservations. A lot of overtime pay is being expended on planning for an uncertain future. The drug companies are ecstatic, the airlines are grim (win some, lose some).

Having said all this in the best mathematical precision I can muster, I confess: I simply do not understand what is happening. With all this information everywhere, I do not understand. but I do understand that it's selling like crazy.